Wisdom from my Mother

An excerpt from my new book entitled Getting Over The Four Hurdles of Life

I guess you could say that my story of faith started two days before I was born.  Two days before I was born, my so-called father—I’ve always referred to him as “my mother’s husband”—left my mother, two young sisters, eleven and twelve years of age, and me, and he never returned.  His departure put my mother in a difficult position.  She had an eighth-grade education, came off the farm in North Dakota, and couldn’t get a job during the Great Depression in 1935.  In the cold prairies of North Dakota, she had to do two things that were very unpleasant for her:  she became a baby-sitter to earn money, and she had to put our family on welfare.  We lived in a one-room apartment above a bar and hardware store, and I remember my mother getting $42.50 in Ward County welfare each month.  She sat down and meticulously decided what breads and canned goods we could buy for the coming week.

Several times during these difficult times, my mother taught me a lesson that has stayed with me during my entire life.  Two times, I saw my mother get on her winter coat, walk down a flight of stairs, and take back to the Red Owl and the Piggly Wiggly grocery stores 25 cents and 40 cents, because the clerks had given her too much change for the groceries she’d brought home.  Seeing her dressing in the middle of winter, I said, “Mama, where are you going?”  She said, “Oh, I’m taking this money back to the store.  They gave me too much change.”  It reminds me of a poem by Edgar Guest.

I’d rather see a lesson than hear one any day.

I’d rather you walk with me than to merely show the way.

The eye is a better teacher, and more willing than the ear.

And counsel is confusing but example’s always clear.

The best of all the teachers are the ones who live the creed.

To see good put into action is what everybody needs.

I soon can learn to do it if you let me see it done.

I can see your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.

And the counsel you are giving may be very fine and true, But I’d rather get my lessons by observing what you do.

My mother followed the advise of St. Francis of Assisi in the 13th century when he said, “Preach the gospel every day, and if necessary use words.”  I saw other lessons in the life of this woman who had no PhD behind her name.  Not once, after being abandoned, did I hear my mother talk negatively about the man who had walked out on us and never returned, never sent any money, never wrote.  She didn’t drink, and she never smoked.  I never heard her swear.  She was never bitter, angry, or ever complained about her situation in life.

My mother’s Catholic faith was unbelievable.  She brought me to Mass and Communion daily—not just Sunday, but daily.  For me, the daily trip to church was a ritual.  To my numerous fake illnesses and attempts to avoid going, my mom’s response was always, “Get up, Son.  We’re going to Mass and Communion.”  The spirit that grew in that little, one-room apartment we lived in, uncomfortable and cramped though it was, made it attractive.

Being a small place, the apartment never provided any place for me to get away on my own.  So at night, I often went to sit above the alley on the fire escape.  One night, the faith my mother instilled in me deepened when I came back in from sitting out there.  My mom asked me to sit in her little rocker.  She pulled up the footstool and said, “Son, I notice you go outside at night a lot.  What do you think about when you’re out there, sitting on that fire escape?” I said, “Mama, I think of three things.  I think of travel.”  (We didn’t own a car, a bicycle, or any other form of transportation.)  “I think of mountains.”  (North Dakota is a very flat state, flatter than the top of a table.)   “And I think about learning—I want to learn as much as I can.”

My mother hesitated just a moment and then said, “You know Son, I’m going to tell you something.  I’m embarrassed to tell you this, but I need to teach you a lesson.  You know when these people come to pick me up to go baby-sit?  I’m so embarrassed.  There’s no husband in our house.  We live in this little one-room apartment.  I’ve just got an eighth-grade education.  My clothes smell of mothballs.”  (She bought her clothes at rummage sales.)  “So I’m so worried about my image when these big shots come to pick me up.  I look up big words in the dictionary, and then all the way to their house,” she said, “I inject these big words into conversation to try to impress them.  That’s called making an image.  When you sit out there on the fire escape at night, just you and God, that’s your true character.  And Son,” she said, “If you spend too much time polishing your image, you’ll eventually tarnish your character and be an  unhappy man.”  That night, my mom taught me that being my true self was far more important than trying to impress people or pretend to be someone I was not.  Your character is who you really are and your image is what you are perceived to be.

Have You Had Enough?

By:  Dale Brown

Never have I seen the American public so disgusted with our Congress, Wall
Street and the large corporations.  Partisan politics, negative campaigning and
seemingly no control over big business is literally sickening everyone.  I plead
with you to lead the way in cleansing a system that is totally out of control.


Americans are not only fed up with the greed, the lies and the cheating but they
are angry.  Please serve as a beacon light to change a system that so
begrudgingly accepts change.


150 years ago, British historian Thomas Macaulay made this dire prediction for
America, “Your civilization will be destroyed in the 20th century, as Rome was
in the 5th century.  But the huns and vandals which will destroy you will come
from within, from your own institutions.”  Yes, I know this is the 21st century
but we better wake up and demand that our Congress start putting the country
first or his prediction could come true.


J. Paul Getty many years ago said, “I fear that unless there are many drastic
changes in both basic philosophies and actual practices in every sector of human
existence, our society will deteriorate and decline.  It may well be wracked
with upheavals far greater than any in previous history.  It could, and I do not
take the possibility lightly, be totally destroyed.”

I now ask you, will you just read this and delete it or will you try to do
something about it?  It has been said that nobody makes a greater mistake than
someone who did nothing because he could do only a little.  Please contact your
congressman and demand change or vote them out of office.


I have traveled in 90 countries throughout the world and fully realize there is
no better place to live but if we truly want to make this a better place to live
we should follow Gandhi’s advice, “We must be the change we wish to see.”


When I was visiting Auschwitz I was appalled by seeing what one human being
could do to another and thought how could this be possible.  As I was leaving I
saw a small plaque which gave me the answers, it said, “The road to Auschwitz
was built by hate but paved with indifference.”  We no longer can be indifferent
to the ills of our society.  Always remember when truth is in danger, silence
equals guilt.


Great social transformation such as the end of slavery, the women’s and Civil
Rights movements and the end of colonial rule all began with public awareness
and engagement.  Political leaders followed rather than led.  A few courageous
and committed people fed up with the system brought about the change.  I
sincerely hope that you will be stimulated to do something constructive and
demand that we return to the principles that made this country the best in the
world.


The system in Washington, D.C. and the large corporations in this country are
corrupt.  It is rigged by the powerful special interest groups to benefit the
very few at the expense of the many.  William Bennett in his book, “Death of
Outrage” said, “The leader must be whole, he cannot have his public character be
honest and his private character be dishonest.”  We are to blame for many of our
current problems because we have not demanded enough from those in powerful
positions.


All of us Americans have a duty to end the corruption, greed, ineptness, and
cronyism that have dominated the political and corporate world for far too many
years.


What we desperately need today on all fronts are men and women willing to stand
up for decency, truth, integrity, morality, law and order and who will respond
to their conscience even when it is unpopular to do so – especially when it is
unpopular to do so.


So now the question is, can we change a sick system and the answer is
emphatically YES but only if we are vigilant, committed, disciplined,
determined, and courageous enough to demand good ethics and honorable
leadership.


The idea of saviors has been built into our entire culture.  We have learned to
look to stars, leaders, and experts in every field, thus surrendering our own
strength, demeaning our own ability and causing us not to act when we see
incompetence, dishonesty, and injustices.


Abraham Lincoln warned us when he said, “At what point is the approach of danger
to be expected, if it is to reach us it must spring up amongst us.  It cannot
come from abroad.  If destruction be our lot – we must ourselves be its author
and finisher.  As a nation of free men we must live through all time or die by
suicide.”


If you have had enough, please let your voice be heard.

Living Together

By:  Dale Brown

The world will only function properly when we show true love and respect to one
another and eliminate all forms of prejudice.


Mankind has never advanced a centimeter by hating or showing prejudice towards
each other.  The only notable advancement we have ever made in the history of
the world is when we have been brothers and sisters at labor towards a common
goal.


Prejudice is a great time saver; it enables one to form opinions without
bothering to get the facts.


To live by relying on one another implies a risk, but without some trust in
humanity, life would be unlivable.  One of our greatest leaders, Abraham Lincoln
said, “If you trust, you will be disappointed occasionally, but if you mistrust,
you will be miserable all of the time.”


Naturally, we all have traits that aggravate one another, but we should work
hard on liking each other and overcoming our own bad traits.  The more you grow
as a person, the less shocked you become about people who are different from
yourself.  When a person is wrapped up in himself, the package is usually pretty
small.


It is a law of life, as certain as gravity, that to live fully, we must learn to
use things and love people–not love things and use people.


Nineteen of twenty-one notable civilizations did not recognize that and died
from within and not by conquest from without.  The world must learn to work
together or finally, it will not work at all.


Martin Luther King, Jr., told us, “All people in this world are tied into a
single garment of destiny.  Whatever affects one directly, affects all
indirectly.  We are made to live together because of the interrelated structure
of reality.  It was a tragedy of history that the children of darkness were
often more determined and forceful than the children of light.”


If we build the kind of relationships with each other where we enter into a
covenant to belong to each other and be involved with each other in pursing our
goals together–then we are unstoppable.  Communities and nations will be
transformed when mankind returns to God and his purposes for them.


So the question in our journey of life is not whether God can bring peace into
the world.  The question is: Can we?


Remember the best potential of me is we.

16 Characteristics of True Champions

Greatness
The 16 Characteristics of True Champions
By: Don Yaeger

It is fascinating to me that when these Great winners were asked what separated
them from others, they almost never pointed to a physical trait.  They talked
about doing what some might think are common things—but doing those uncommonly
well.  And they told me that they worked on those non-physical traits just as
diligently as they did their bodies because each of the characteristics needs
the same attention and development as any muscle.


It seemed to me that what set the truly Great athletes apart were small, almost
imperceptible things that made them dramatically different from their peers.
There were incremental improvements in who they were and how they acted.  These
were the tiny changes, the ever-so-slight differences that gave them an edge in
competition and in life.


Greatness readily accepts blame, and acknowledges responsibility and ownership
of a situation.  It requires action and dedication, not simply patting one’s
self on the back.


Greatness does not make excuses—it makes progress.  It recognizes that there
will always be obstacles in one form or another, and it uses those challenges as
a means of growing stronger and wiser.


Greatness lies not in what we’re given, but in what we do with what we’re given.


Greatness is defined by the very struggle it requires, because the desire to be
Great is the first step in achieving Greatness.  It can be reached no other way.


Anyone who desires to be Great must understand that failure, disappointment, and
letdowns are a part of life.  The Great ones learn from those experiences and
become stronger as a result.


The Great ones hate to lose more than they love to win.

When Coach Wooden offers advice on what makes the Great ones Great, the lesson
is sure to be a valuable one. When I asked that question a few years ago, Coach
explained to me that among the most important things he looked for when trying
to get a sense of a person’s capacity for success was who that person included
in their inner circle.  “Their associations told me everything I needed to know
about them,” Coach said.  “I could tell what their future held by how important
it was to surround themselves with the right people.”


Like so many Great winners, Tony Dungy’s faith has been central to his success.

Evaluate your life honestly and consider how you live your faith in terms of
your decision making and your priorities.  What do you believe in?  How do you
take a stand?  Where do you turn in times of trial?


The truly Great strive to keep their faith at the center of all they do.  Faith
in God—by whatever name you use—determines how we treat people, how we react to
circumstances, and how we view the opportunities that we’ve been given.


Studies estimate it takes ten thousand hours to become an expert at any skill.
That’s ten years of practicing three hours a day, seven days a week.


The Great ones understand that there is no off-season; there should be no lapse
in activity that can break your stride, because only further practice can lead
to better results for the next go-round.  Only effort can launch you into the
realm of Greatness.


Stopping negative thoughts is important, because visualizing failure is as
effective as visualizing success.


The truly Great find opportunity in the worst of times.

Adversity is one of the most potent forces in life, one that can bring out your
best or your worse.  Ultimately, it’s up to you.

The key is that once you’ve realized you’ve made a mistake, you simply move on.
Don’t dwell on it.  Fail fast and go forward.  Risks are everywhere in life, and
you won’t get far without taking them.


How you deal with failure is ultimately what will help you succeed.

On their road to success, the truly Great find a detour that bypasses each
roadblock.  When all else fails, Greatness finds a way to be successful.


Greatness is assuming whatever role is necessary for the team to win.  By
placing the needs of teammates above their own desires or preferences, the Great
ones are willing to take on different responsibilities in order to positively
affect the desired outcome of their team’s aspirations.


If you are ever to achieve Greatness, you must realize that the highest level of
success can never be accomplished alone.


It is up to each one of us to determine if we are going to look beyond our own
lives to see the countless people whom we can help or encourage, or if we are
going to be content with lives focused only on our own interests.


The question that each of us needs to consider very carefully is whether we are
going to be people of apathy, selfishness, and blind ambition, or if we are
going to strive toward being people of action, people of kindness—people of
Greatness.


It is one thing to act with integrity when circumstances call for it, and
another to live with it each and every day of your life.  Through challenges,
tragedy, or triumphs, when everyone is watching or when no one is around,
integrity is living with honor and respect, and acting for all the right
reasons.


Integrity isn’t just about honesty.  It isn’t always righting a wrong—though
that’s certainly something a person with integrity does.  Integrity is simply
holding oneself to a high standard and consistently adhering to it no matter the
circumstances.  It is unwavering standards that don’t change with the
circumstances—audience or not, public or private.  A life of integrity is
honest, good, fair, and consistent.  It is rare, but it is powerful.  In short,
it is Great.


The truly Great embrace the idea of being a role model and act accordingly.

Honesty and loyalty will translate into longevity and success for anyone in any
field, but more important, they are qualities that can influence others and make
a difference in people’s lives.

There are the choices we make quietly each day, and there are the choices we
make because we understand that we have a responsibility to model right living.
“The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity,” Dwight D.
Eisenhower once said.  “Without it, no real success is possible, no matter
whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.


Author Mark Twain said that the truly Great “make you feel that you, too, can
become great.”  We all need someone in our lives whom we can look up to.
Without Great men and women to follow, we would not question our limitations or
dream as big as we do.


Don’t get caught up pursuing honors—trophies and plaques are all just trinkets
that will mean nothing in the long run.  Instead, pour yourself into something
that will have an impact, something that will last.  Greatness is not achieved
through titles and awards; Greatness is achieved by becoming the most complete
person you can be, and then reaching beyond yourself to lift others.


The truth is, when your career is over, it’s not about how many awards you have
or who you know, but what you did that will last longer than your name.


The truly Great understand that their legacy is much bigger than anything they
will ever do in athletics and that their careers are a means of introducing them
to new opportunities for growth.  That’s how it should be for all of us:  our
careers are the door-openers that allow us to do something else.


The truly Great have heartfelt pride and special humility.  They are fierce
competitors and generous givers.  They are tremendous individuals, and they are
the ultimate team players.

Wooden's Seven Point Creed: "Help Others"

One of Coach Wooden’s favorite role models was Mother Theresa, whose quote, “Unless a life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile,” served as the bedrock of Coach’s lifetime commitment to helping others. After reading about her tremendous work among the poor in Calcutta, Coach resolved to do one kind thing each day for someone who could never return the favor; and he often put that same challenge to others. Coach realized that not everyone could bring hospices, orphanages and schools to underprivileged people like Mother Teresa, but we could still make a difference in someone’s life every day. Whether serving others’ needs physically or emotionally, even the simplest acts of kindness can have a tremendous positive impact. As Mother Teresa often said, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”

Abraham Lincoln, another of Coach Wooden’s mentors, was also an inspiration to him in this regard. Lincoln’s once remarked that, “The worst thing you can do for those you love is to do the things they could and should do for themselves.” This piece of wisdom inspired Coach to help other people find balance in their own lives. When Coach Wooden’s granddaughter was in high school, she was also working part-time to buy a car. Coach probably could have just purchased a vehicle for her, but in keeping with his philosophy, he suggested that he and her other grandfather match whatever monies Christy earned to help her save towards her purchase. From this experience, Christy learned that one can help others by helping them to help themselves, thereby making them better, stronger people.  As usual, Coach gave us some great maxims to illustrate this point:

“Happiness begins where selfishness ends.”

“Forget favors given; remember those received. “

“Be more concerned with what you can do for others than what others can do for you.”

The block on the Pyramid of Success that is the best reminder of helping others is Team Spirit. Coach Wooden defines Team Spirit as: “A genuine consideration for others. An eagerness to sacrifice personal interests of glory for the welfare of all.” If you think of the human race as your team, having team spirit means helping your fellow man to succeed in life.

So, how can you start helping others today? Perhaps you might begin by being more observant of the people and situations around you. Pause each day and really look around. Do not wait to be asked for help – the very best time to help others is before they have to ask. Consider taking out the trash or making the bed or doing the laundry. Compliment a co-worker on a great idea; a pat on the back is always appreciated, and a great motivator. Mentor a child, or teach a youngster to ride a bicycle. Volunteer an hour of your time at a senior citizen’s home, church, hospital or homeless shelter. Even the smallest gesture can mean a lot.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of thy self.” One way that Coach Wooden’s gave freely of himself was that, although he was arguably the most famous coach in American sports, he never had an unlisted phone number. If you wanted to reach out to Coach Wooden his number was always put there in public for anyone to find. He was committed to being available to visit with anyone who cared to pay him a visit. Similarly, Coach Wooden’s players did not leave the locker room – either at home or on the road – until (as he put it) “the orange peels, gum wrappers, towels and soap chips are off the floor.” Of course, Coach also helped with cleaning up himself. He viewed this as a common courtesy to the cleaning staff. Being considerate of others makes you naturally inclined to help others.

Strive each day to be considerate of others, giving freely of your time, energy, and resources to help them –and expect nothing in return. Trust that the joy you will experience in doing so cannot be matched. Opportunities to help others are all around you, every day, all the time. You need only to take a moment to notice them, and then act.