COACH DALE BROWN

We Have Only Scratched the Surface of Our Potential!

2012-02-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

Did you know that our brains contain billions of cells? Scientists say that we only utilize only 10-20% of those cells. We would literally astonish ourselves if we recognize the ability we possess. We have only scratched the surface of our potential!

"Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and

put into action."

Orison Swett Marden

Marden's first book, Pushing to the Front, was published in 1894. He followed this with several more volumes on the subjects of success, the cultivation of will power, and positive thinking. He founded Success Magazine in 1897.

Like many proponents of the New Thought philosophy, Marden believed that our thoughts influence our lives and our life circumstances. He said, "We make the world we live in and shape our own environment." Yet although he is best known for his books on financial success, he always emphasized that this would come as a result of cultivating one's personal development: "The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone."

Wisdom from my Mother

2012-01-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from my new book entitled Getting Over The Four Hurdles of Life

I guess you could say that my story of faith started two days before I was born. Two days before I was born, my so-called father—I’ve always referred to him as “my mother’s husband”—left my mother, two young sisters, eleven and twelve years of age, and me, and he never returned. His departure put my mother in a difficult position. She had an eighth-grade education, came off the farm in North Dakota, and couldn’t get a job during the Great Depression in 1935. In the cold prairies of North Dakota, she had to do two things that were very unpleasant for her: she became a baby-sitter to earn money, and she had to put our family on welfare. We lived in a one-room apartment above a bar and hardware store, and I remember my mother getting $42.50 in Ward County welfare each month. She sat down and meticulously decided what breads and canned goods we could buy for the coming week.

Several times during these difficult times, my mother taught me a lesson that has stayed with me during my entire life. Two times, I saw my mother get on her winter coat, walk down a flight of stairs, and take back to the Red Owl and the Piggly Wiggly grocery stores 25 cents and 40 cents, because the clerks had given her too much change for the groceries she’d brought home. Seeing her dressing in the middle of winter, I said, “Mama, where are you going?” She said, “Oh, I’m taking this money back to the store. They gave me too much change.” It reminds me of a poem by Edgar Guest.

I’d rather see a lesson than hear one any day.

I’d rather you walk with me than to merely show the way.

The eye is a better teacher, and more willing than the ear.

And counsel is confusing but example’s always clear.

The best of all the teachers are the ones who live the creed.

To see good put into action is what everybody needs.

I soon can learn to do it if you let me see it done.

I can see your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.

And the counsel you are giving may be very fine and true, But I’d rather get my lessons by observing what you do.

My mother followed the advise of St. Francis of Assisi in the 13th century when he said, “Preach the gospel every day, and if necessary use words.” I saw other lessons in the life of this woman who had no PhD behind her name. Not once, after being abandoned, did I hear my mother talk negatively about the man who had walked out on us and never returned, never sent any money, never wrote. She didn’t drink, and she never smoked. I never heard her swear. She was never bitter, angry, or ever complained about her situation in life.

My mother’s Catholic faith was unbelievable. She brought me to Mass and Communion daily—not just Sunday, but daily. For me, the daily trip to church was a ritual. To my numerous fake illnesses and attempts to avoid going, my mom’s response was always, “Get up, Son. We’re going to Mass and Communion.” The spirit that grew in that little, one-room apartment we lived in, uncomfortable and cramped though it was, made it attractive.

Being a small place, the apartment never provided any place for me to get away on my own. So at night, I often went to sit above the alley on the fire escape. One night, the faith my mother instilled in me deepened when I came back in from sitting out there. My mom asked me to sit in her little rocker. She pulled up the footstool and said, “Son, I notice you go outside at night a lot. What do you think about when you’re out there, sitting on that fire escape?” I said, “Mama, I think of three things. I think of travel.” (We didn’t own a car, a bicycle, or any other form of transportation.) “I think of mountains.” (North Dakota is a very flat state, flatter than the top of a table.) “And I think about learning—I want to learn as much as I can.”

My mother hesitated just a moment and then said, “You know Son, I’m going to tell you something. I’m embarrassed to tell you this, but I need to teach you a lesson. You know when these people come to pick me up to go baby-sit? I’m so embarrassed. There’s no husband in our house. We live in this little one-room apartment. I’ve just got an eighth-grade education. My clothes smell of mothballs.” (She bought her clothes at rummage sales.) “So I’m so worried about my image when these big shots come to pick me up. I look up big words in the dictionary, and then all the way to their house,” she said, “I inject these big words into conversation to try to impress them. That’s called making an image. When you sit out there on the fire escape at night, just you and God, that’s your true character. And Son,” she said, “If you spend too much time polishing your image, you’ll eventually tarnish your character and be an unhappy man.” That night, my mom taught me that being my true self was far more important than trying to impress people or pretend to be someone I was not. Your character is who you really are and your image is what you are perceived to be.

Have You Had Enough?

2012-01-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

By: Dale Brown

Never have I seen the American public so disgusted with our Congress, Wall
Street and the large corporations. Partisan politics, negative campaigning and
seemingly no control over big business is literally sickening everyone. I plead
with you to lead the way in cleansing a system that is totally out of control.

Americans are not only fed up with the greed, the lies and the cheating but they
are angry. Please serve as a beacon light to change a system that so
begrudgingly accepts change.

150 years ago, British historian Thomas Macaulay made this dire prediction for
America, “Your civilization will be destroyed in the 20th century, as Rome was
in the 5th century. But the huns and vandals which will destroy you will come
from within, from your own institutions.” Yes, I know this is the 21st century
but we better wake up and demand that our Congress start putting the country
first or his prediction could come true.

J. Paul Getty many years ago said, “I fear that unless there are many drastic
changes in both basic philosophies and actual practices in every sector of human
existence, our society will deteriorate and decline. It may well be wracked
with upheavals far greater than any in previous history. It could, and I do not
take the possibility lightly, be totally destroyed.”

I now ask you, will you just read this and delete it or will you try to do
something about it? It has been said that nobody makes a greater mistake than
someone who did nothing because he could do only a little. Please contact your
congressman and demand change or vote them out of office.

I have traveled in 90 countries throughout the world and fully realize there is
no better place to live but if we truly want to make this a better place to live
we should follow Gandhi’s advice, “We must be the change we wish to see.”

When I was visiting Auschwitz I was appalled by seeing what one human being
could do to another and thought how could this be possible. As I was leaving I
saw a small plaque which gave me the answers, it said, “The road to Auschwitz
was built by hate but paved with indifference.” We no longer can be indifferent
to the ills of our society. Always remember when truth is in danger, silence
equals guilt.

Great social transformation such as the end of slavery, the women’s and Civil
Rights movements and the end of colonial rule all began with public awareness
and engagement. Political leaders followed rather than led. A few courageous
and committed people fed up with the system brought about the change. I
sincerely hope that you will be stimulated to do something constructive and
demand that we return to the principles that made this country the best in the
world.

The system in Washington, D.C. and the large corporations in this country are
corrupt. It is rigged by the powerful special interest groups to benefit the
very few at the expense of the many. William Bennett in his book, “Death of
Outrage” said, “The leader must be whole, he cannot have his public character be
honest and his private character be dishonest.” We are to blame for many of our
current problems because we have not demanded enough from those in powerful
positions.

All of us Americans have a duty to end the corruption, greed, ineptness, and
cronyism that have dominated the political and corporate world for far too many
years.

What we desperately need today on all fronts are men and women willing to stand
up for decency, truth, integrity, morality, law and order and who will respond
to their conscience even when it is unpopular to do so – especially when it is
unpopular to do so.

So now the question is, can we change a sick system and the answer is
emphatically YES but only if we are vigilant, committed, disciplined,
determined, and courageous enough to demand good ethics and honorable
leadership.

The idea of saviors has been built into our entire culture. We have learned to
look to stars, leaders, and experts in every field, thus surrendering our own
strength, demeaning our own ability and causing us not to act when we see
incompetence, dishonesty, and injustices.

Abraham Lincoln warned us when he said, “At what point is the approach of danger
to be expected, if it is to reach us it must spring up amongst us. It cannot
come from abroad. If destruction be our lot – we must ourselves be its author
and finisher. As a nation of free men we must live through all time or die by
suicide.”

If you have had enough, please let your voice be heard.

Living Together

2012-01-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

By: Dale Brown

The world will only function properly when we show true love and respect to one
another and eliminate all forms of prejudice.

Mankind has never advanced a centimeter by hating or showing prejudice towards
each other. The only notable advancement we have ever made in the history of
the world is when we have been brothers and sisters at labor towards a common
goal.

Prejudice is a great time saver; it enables one to form opinions without
bothering to get the facts.

To live by relying on one another implies a risk, but without some trust in
humanity, life would be unlivable. One of our greatest leaders, Abraham Lincoln
said, “If you trust, you will be disappointed occasionally, but if you mistrust,
you will be miserable all of the time.”

Naturally, we all have traits that aggravate one another, but we should work
hard on liking each other and overcoming our own bad traits. The more you grow
as a person, the less shocked you become about people who are different from
yourself. When a person is wrapped up in himself, the package is usually pretty
small.

It is a law of life, as certain as gravity, that to live fully, we must learn to
use things and love people–not love things and use people.

Nineteen of twenty-one notable civilizations did not recognize that and died
from within and not by conquest from without. The world must learn to work
together or finally, it will not work at all.

Martin Luther King, Jr., told us, “All people in this world are tied into a
single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all
indirectly. We are made to live together because of the interrelated structure
of reality. It was a tragedy of history that the children of darkness were
often more determined and forceful than the children of light.”

If we build the kind of relationships with each other where we enter into a
covenant to belong to each other and be involved with each other in pursing our
goals together–then we are unstoppable. Communities and nations will be
transformed when mankind returns to God and his purposes for them.

So the question in our journey of life is not whether God can bring peace into
the world. The question is: Can we?

Remember the best potential of me is we.

16 Characteristics of True Champions

2011-12-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

Greatness
The 16 Characteristics of True Champions
By: Don Yaeger

It is fascinating to me that when these Great winners were asked what separated
them from others, they almost never pointed to a physical trait. They talked
about doing what some might think are common things—but doing those uncommonly
well. And they told me that they worked on those non-physical traits just as
diligently as they did their bodies because each of the characteristics needs
the same attention and development as any muscle.

It seemed to me that what set the truly Great athletes apart were small, almost
imperceptible things that made them dramatically different from their peers.
There were incremental improvements in who they were and how they acted. These
were the tiny changes, the ever-so-slight differences that gave them an edge in
competition and in life.

Greatness readily accepts blame, and acknowledges responsibility and ownership
of a situation. It requires action and dedication, not simply patting one’s
self on the back.

Greatness does not make excuses—it makes progress. It recognizes that there
will always be obstacles in one form or another, and it uses those challenges as
a means of growing stronger and wiser.

Greatness lies not in what we’re given, but in what we do with what we’re given.

Greatness is defined by the very struggle it requires, because the desire to be
Great is the first step in achieving Greatness. It can be reached no other way.

Anyone who desires to be Great must understand that failure, disappointment, and
letdowns are a part of life. The Great ones learn from those experiences and
become stronger as a result.

The Great ones hate to lose more than they love to win.

When Coach Wooden offers advice on what makes the Great ones Great, the lesson
is sure to be a valuable one. When I asked that question a few years ago, Coach
explained to me that among the most important things he looked for when trying
to get a sense of a person’s capacity for success was who that person included
in their inner circle. “Their associations told me everything I needed to know
about them,” Coach said. “I could tell what their future held by how important
it was to surround themselves with the right people.”

Like so many Great winners, Tony Dungy’s faith has been central to his success.

Evaluate your life honestly and consider how you live your faith in terms of
your decision making and your priorities. What do you believe in? How do you
take a stand? Where do you turn in times of trial?

The truly Great strive to keep their faith at the center of all they do. Faith
in God—by whatever name you use—determines how we treat people, how we react to
circumstances, and how we view the opportunities that we’ve been given.

Studies estimate it takes ten thousand hours to become an expert at any skill.
That’s ten years of practicing three hours a day, seven days a week.

The Great ones understand that there is no off-season; there should be no lapse
in activity that can break your stride, because only further practice can lead
to better results for the next go-round. Only effort can launch you into the
realm of Greatness.

Stopping negative thoughts is important, because visualizing failure is as
effective as visualizing success.

The truly Great find opportunity in the worst of times.

Adversity is one of the most potent forces in life, one that can bring out your
best or your worse. Ultimately, it’s up to you.

The key is that once you’ve realized you’ve made a mistake, you simply move on.
Don’t dwell on it. Fail fast and go forward. Risks are everywhere in life, and
you won’t get far without taking them.

How you deal with failure is ultimately what will help you succeed.

On their road to success, the truly Great find a detour that bypasses each
roadblock. When all else fails, Greatness finds a way to be successful.

Greatness is assuming whatever role is necessary for the team to win. By
placing the needs of teammates above their own desires or preferences, the Great
ones are willing to take on different responsibilities in order to positively
affect the desired outcome of their team’s aspirations.

If you are ever to achieve Greatness, you must realize that the highest level of
success can never be accomplished alone.

It is up to each one of us to determine if we are going to look beyond our own
lives to see the countless people whom we can help or encourage, or if we are
going to be content with lives focused only on our own interests.

The question that each of us needs to consider very carefully is whether we are
going to be people of apathy, selfishness, and blind ambition, or if we are
going to strive toward being people of action, people of kindness—people of
Greatness.

It is one thing to act with integrity when circumstances call for it, and
another to live with it each and every day of your life. Through challenges,
tragedy, or triumphs, when everyone is watching or when no one is around,
integrity is living with honor and respect, and acting for all the right
reasons.

Integrity isn’t just about honesty. It isn’t always righting a wrong—though
that’s certainly something a person with integrity does. Integrity is simply
holding oneself to a high standard and consistently adhering to it no matter the
circumstances. It is unwavering standards that don’t change with the
circumstances—audience or not, public or private. A life of integrity is
honest, good, fair, and consistent. It is rare, but it is powerful. In short,
it is Great.

The truly Great embrace the idea of being a role model and act accordingly.

Honesty and loyalty will translate into longevity and success for anyone in any
field, but more important, they are qualities that can influence others and make
a difference in people’s lives.

There are the choices we make quietly each day, and there are the choices we
make because we understand that we have a responsibility to model right living.
“The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity,” Dwight D.
Eisenhower once said. “Without it, no real success is possible, no matter
whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.

Author Mark Twain said that the truly Great “make you feel that you, too, can
become great.” We all need someone in our lives whom we can look up to.
Without Great men and women to follow, we would not question our limitations or
dream as big as we do.

Don’t get caught up pursuing honors—trophies and plaques are all just trinkets
that will mean nothing in the long run. Instead, pour yourself into something
that will have an impact, something that will last. Greatness is not achieved
through titles and awards; Greatness is achieved by becoming the most complete
person you can be, and then reaching beyond yourself to lift others.

The truth is, when your career is over, it’s not about how many awards you have
or who you know, but what you did that will last longer than your name.

The truly Great understand that their legacy is much bigger than anything they
will ever do in athletics and that their careers are a means of introducing them
to new opportunities for growth. That’s how it should be for all of us: our
careers are the door-openers that allow us to do something else.

The truly Great have heartfelt pride and special humility. They are fierce
competitors and generous givers. They are tremendous individuals, and they are
the ultimate team players.

Wooden's Seven Point Creed: "Help Others"

2011-12-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

One of Coach Wooden’s favorite role models was Mother Theresa, whose quote, “Unless a life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile,” served as the bedrock of Coach’s lifetime commitment to helping others. After reading about her tremendous work among the poor in Calcutta, Coach resolved to do one kind thing each day for someone who could never return the favor; and he often put that same challenge to others. Coach realized that not everyone could bring hospices, orphanages and schools to underprivileged people like Mother Teresa, but we could still make a difference in someone’s life every day. Whether serving others’ needs physically or emotionally, even the simplest acts of kindness can have a tremendous positive impact. As Mother Teresa often said, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”

Abraham Lincoln, another of Coach Wooden’s mentors, was also an inspiration to him in this regard. Lincoln’s once remarked that, “The worst thing you can do for those you love is to do the things they could and should do for themselves.” This piece of wisdom inspired Coach to help other people find balance in their own lives. When Coach Wooden’s granddaughter was in high school, she was also working part-time to buy a car. Coach probably could have just purchased a vehicle for her, but in keeping with his philosophy, he suggested that he and her other grandfather match whatever monies Christy earned to help her save towards her purchase. From this experience, Christy learned that one can help others by helping them to help themselves, thereby making them better, stronger people. As usual, Coach gave us some great maxims to illustrate this point:

“Happiness begins where selfishness ends.”

“Forget favors given; remember those received. “

“Be more concerned with what you can do for others than what others can do for you.”

The block on the Pyramid of Success that is the best reminder of helping others is Team Spirit. Coach Wooden defines Team Spirit as: “A genuine consideration for others. An eagerness to sacrifice personal interests of glory for the welfare of all.” If you think of the human race as your team, having team spirit means helping your fellow man to succeed in life.

So, how can you start helping others today? Perhaps you might begin by being more observant of the people and situations around you. Pause each day and really look around. Do not wait to be asked for help – the very best time to help others is before they have to ask. Consider taking out the trash or making the bed or doing the laundry. Compliment a co-worker on a great idea; a pat on the back is always appreciated, and a great motivator. Mentor a child, or teach a youngster to ride a bicycle. Volunteer an hour of your time at a senior citizen’s home, church, hospital or homeless shelter. Even the smallest gesture can mean a lot.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of thy self.” One way that Coach Wooden’s gave freely of himself was that, although he was arguably the most famous coach in American sports, he never had an unlisted phone number. If you wanted to reach out to Coach Wooden his number was always put there in public for anyone to find. He was committed to being available to visit with anyone who cared to pay him a visit. Similarly, Coach Wooden’s players did not leave the locker room – either at home or on the road – until (as he put it) “the orange peels, gum wrappers, towels and soap chips are off the floor.” Of course, Coach also helped with cleaning up himself. He viewed this as a common courtesy to the cleaning staff. Being considerate of others makes you naturally inclined to help others.

Strive each day to be considerate of others, giving freely of your time, energy, and resources to help them –and expect nothing in return. Trust that the joy you will experience in doing so cannot be matched. Opportunities to help others are all around you, every day, all the time. You need only to take a moment to notice them, and then act.

THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP

2011-12-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

Coach had a great appreciation for the value of friendship. In the 1960’s Coach received a letter from his elementary school principal and coach, Earl Warriner, requesting tickets to the upcoming game UCLA was to play at Notre Dame. Mr. Warriner also included a signed and dated check but left the amount line blank. When the tickets arrived in Warriner’s mailbox, he found that the check was with them, and on the amount line Coach Wooden had written: “Friendship far too valuable to be measured in dollars.”

Coach often emphasized that we can accomplish a lot more if we open our lives to others. He often commented on friendship in speeches he gave after retirement from coaching by urging his audience to “Work at it. Don’t take friendship for granted. If you do it may not last. And don’t just work at it from one side. Friendship comes from mutual esteem, respect and devotion. Just as in a successful marriage, both sides must work at it.”

When speaking about friendship, Coach often emphasized the importance of initiating the effort to make friends; in his own words, “You may have to prime the pump first.” Perhaps his favorite illustration was the experience of a friend named Bob, who had traveled to California from Indiana to visit the Wooden family.

“Johnny, these people in California aren’t as friendly as they are back home,” Bob lamented. “Coming over here this morning I met a lot of people and not a single person spoke to me. That would never have happened back home.”

“Did you speak to any of them?” Coach asked.

“Well, no,” Bob said. “I didn’t know them.”

Coach was also inspired by historical examples of the power of friendship; he especially admired Abraham Lincoln’s philosophy on the subject. After the Civil War, many of Lincoln’s constituents felt that he was being far too generous in his offers of reconstruction and reparations to the Confederate states. One man admonished him, “Mr. President you are supposed to destroy your enemies, not make friends of them.”

Lincoln replied, “Am I not destroying an enemy when I make a friend of him?”

This was a lesson Coach took to heart. He chose kindness, instead of anger, as his reaction towards critics in the media, referees he felt were unfair, rude fans of rival teams, and even the rare disgruntled player or assistant coaches.

Two of his favorite maxims addressed this very subject. The first was a simple reminder: “Be more concerned with: Loving than being loved, Giving than receiving, Being a friend rather than having a friend.” The second was a kind of proverb: “There is a wonderful mystical law of nature that the three things that man craves the most in life—happiness, freedom, and peace—are always attained by giving them to someone else.” Both are lessons we can all live by.

Inside Out Coaching

2011-12-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

By: Joe Ehrmann

Coaching can satisfy the human urge to belong to something that provides
identity and meaning. That’s why sports can attract a coaching type that I call
the misfit. The misfit-coach needs his players’ acceptance and obedience. He
needs to feel a part of the team even more than his players do. This type of
coach gravitates toward youth league sports because status and title are easily
obtained there. You are instantly dubbed “Coach,” and you are handed a group of
young developing minds heeding every word you say. Parents generally fall in
line, not wishing to jeopardize Junior’s playing time.

Raising kids is the most complicated job in the world, but untrained coaches get
easy access to young developing brains. Because most youth and recreation
leagues are largely dependent on volunteers, there is usually little screening
of the coach and training is rarely provided. Between their deficiencies in
emotional intelligence and their lack of knowledge of player’s developmental
needs, misfit coaches can snuff out a player’s enjoyment and development before
preseason ends.

Knowing our children and listening to what they say about a coach are
fundamental to protecting them and helping them make sense of nonsense-making
coaches.

A misfit-coach thinks the ball fields and courts are places for him to fit in,
find an identity, climb up the social ladder, or simply feel needed. Either
way, his goals and behavior can be destructive to a young athlete.

"I WISH I HAD DONE MORE"

2011-11-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

Joe Ehrmann, President, Coach for America
Former Baltimore Colt

The reflective and regretful six words uttered by Penn State Coach Joe Paterno,
“I wish I had done more,” could very well summarize what each of the men
indicted or fired at Penn State must be feeling for their role in not stopping a
predatory coach from sexually victimizing young boys. Arguably, each of these
men is a “good man.” But that’s part of the problem – it’s not enough to just
be a “good man” – you have to engage in what is around you and become a man of
action. An involved man’s voice and actions are in alignment with his moral and
ethical beliefs. Moral courage enables us to stand up for what is right even if
it means standing alone or risking rejection or negative consequences. But as
Edmund Burke stated, and the shameful inactions at Penn State illustrate, “all
it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Evil prevailed
at PSU due to an extremes lapse in moral courage. What keeps us from being
conscious and courageous enough to protect the hearts, souls and bodies of
children? How could it be that for over fifteen years, at least nine boys were
sexually abused?

I want to suggest three steps to demand accountability for the safety and
protection of every child everywhere and to help good men and women become
involved persons of action in the war against child abuse. My hope is that by
implementing these steps, adults will become better protectors of those who
cannot protect themselves. May we stay ever mindful of Joe Paterno’s parting
words, “I wish I had done more.”

Step 1) Teach, model, nurture and develop moral courage

As I write in Chapter 6 of InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives,
moral courage is what sustains the basic freedoms and responsibilities of life
in community; we belong to each other; we need each other; we affect each
other. What is painfully missing in this horrific story at Penn State is the
lack of moral courage displayed by men who spent a lifetime in education,
leadership, sports, coaching and working with young people. Courage can be
divided into two types: physical and moral. Of the two however, physical
courage is the more recognized virtue in the world of sports. Coaches talk
about physical courage, encourage it, and hold up examples to the team often in
the context of fighting through injuries, rehabilitation, and pain. There is
far too little emphasis, teaching, modeling, nurturing and developing of moral
courage.

Since moral courage can be likened to a muscle; it can be strengthened and
developed through training and proper nourishment. I challenge each coach,
teacher, parent, administrator, and all of us, to seize this unfolding story of
PSU as an opportunity to evaluate the strength of our own moral courage and
start integrating practical skills that build and strengthen these muscles to
act in the face of injustice into your daily conversations, lesson plans and
practices. Every day young people are tempted to break moral codes over a
missing homework assignment, engage in gossip, and boast about some sexual
proclivity of themselves or others. Think of the myriad of other academic, peer
or social pressures on young people to conform to self-preservation at the
expense of their own moral well-being. This is an opportunity to engage young
people in an age appropriate discussion of moral courage and the devastating
results when the muscles of moral courage are atrophied and impotent. It is
time for every individual and institution to take responsibility for the
development of moral courage. Institutions leaders cannot build moral courage
into others when the strength of that leader’s courage is weakened. How an
institution holds its adults accountable for the growth and protection of our
children should be a measure of its own moral courage, not what is politically
safe. If we are taking responsibility for our young people, let’s have the
moral courage to back it up so the next time a crisis occurs none of us will
ever have to say, “I wish I had done more.”

Step 2) Create policy, procedures and accountability to protect children

We must demand the highest standards of accountability at every level
individually and institutionally. Coaches by the very nature of their power,
platform and position in the lives of young people must be screened and educated
to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to threats of child abuse and then
held accountable to enact them. In fact, every Institution should have policy,
training and accountability built into its culture to protect children under its
care. However, we are, or should be, painfully aware of the institutional
self-protection and denial of the church and other institutions that allow
predators to abuse young bodies and souls. Each day, we are reminded of the
long list of institutions over the course of history that preferred to protect
themselves rather than protecting children. This institutional
self-preservation has historically permitted pedophiles, molesters and abusers
the access and sanctuary to destroy the hearts, minds and souls of millions of
children. When there are no guidelines or protective procedures, teams and
leagues literally open the door for abusers. And in our ever expanding
competitive youth sports universe, there are too many schools, leagues, teams
and programs that have failed to place protective barriers around our children.

Every youth sports program should have policies, training and sexual abuse
awareness in place for players, parents, coaches and administrators. If they
don’t—demand it. It is not enough to say you have a policy. If coaches and
volunteers don’t know the policy or are not held accountable to its rules, then
it is just a set of words on paper. Every principal, board member, athletic
director, coach and parent should demand these protective procedures are in
place and being practiced. Don’t be afraid to speak up and find out what
protective procedures are in place. “I wish I had done more,” never needs be a
final statement since, “we always can do more.”

Step 3) Act morally courageous and responsible to prevent child sexual abuse

As a nation we seem to be paralyzed by beliefs and feelings around the subject
of child sexual abuse. It appears too shameful, uncomfortable or impolite to
talk about personally or publically. I know as a survivor of child sexual abuse
since I carried a shame that silenced me for almost 50 years before revealing my
abuse in InSideOut Coaching. Since the book was released in August, I’ve been
amazed at how many people have emailed, called or approached me to share their
own stories of abuse or the abuse of loved ones. Adult retrospective studies by
the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6
men were sexually abused before the age of 18. This means there are more than
42 million adult survivors of child sexual abuse in the U.S. Too many of us are
silent because we have not sought the help needed to overcome the social stigma
attached to sexual abuse. I know for me and this part of my life journey I will
continue to find my voice and stand up, show up and speak out in hopes of
preventing another tragic story of failed moral courage and human
responsibility.

As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “The ultimate measure of man is not where
he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of
challenge and controversy.” In the face of this tragedy, and in prevention of
future crimes against children, I think each of us should ask what we can do to
help prevent child sexual abuse so we never have to hear ourselves lament, “I
wish I had done more!”

As I emphasize in InSideOut Coaching, the defining, developing, and
demonstrating moral courage must be woven into the fabric of coaching, teaching,
parenting, and leading youth. At Coach For America, we believe that sports is a
dynamic arena in which moral courage is and can be demonstrated every day. This
is what we are striving for and in that striving will come the end of many of
our social ills and the regretful response, “I wish I had done more.”

Steve Job's Special Capacity to Learn From Failure

2011-10-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

By Fareed Zakaria, CNN

Many of you have probably seen the extraordinary speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University's 2005 Commencement. Here's an excerpt:

"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worm path and that will make all the difference."

For my money, it's the best commencement speech I've ever read or watched. It has always struck me as so simple and yet so profound.

And I think the reason is that we live in a culture that so venerates success. People write books about it. Everyone tries to learn from it. But the essence of Steve Jobs' address was that he learned from failure. The talk is about three failures - dropping out of college, getting fired and being diagnosed with cancer. And it was about how he was able to give his life meaning, purpose and richness as a consequence.

"Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love."

Everyone tries to copy and learn from success. It takes a very special person to learn from failure.

An Eight Point Plan of Decontamination

2011-10-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

There's A Spiritual Solution To Every Problem

By: Wayne W. Dyer

When you feel that your family, social, and work environments are poisoned in any way by the negativity and slowed down energy of others, you can do something about it. The following represents a blueprint for a broader environmental energy field permanently free of contamination. The eight points long attributed by many to Mother Teresa of Calcutta are actually a version of “The Paradoxical Commandments” written by Kent M. Keith while he was a sophomore at Harvard University in the 1960s.

An Eight-Point Plan of Decontamination

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. Forgiveness in your heart is like a cleansing agent for your energy field. When you notice the low energy conduct of others, rather than allowing

it to impact and infect your immediate surroundings, send them a silent blessing and refuse to be seduced into joining them in their low energy. When you forgive them you choose to not be impacted in a negative manner.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. Your field of energy is protected from contamination by kindness. Once you are independent of the accusations of others, you are unable to be angry and

hurt over what others accuse you of. Be kind because it is you, not because of the reactions you want from others. Kindness that comes from your heart will suffice to keep you from being dragged down into an energy field infected by

false accusations.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway. The world is filled with people who are looking for occasions to be offended. Your success at anything is enough to trigger such a reaction in others. Keep your energy field pristine by focusing on what you know to be your divine purpose, and by doing so, the universe will support and sustain you with what is labeled success. Others will be offended, but if you persist in ignoring their reactions, you will not allow the presence of false friends or true enemies to be a factor in your life.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway. Your energy field will remain uncontaminated as long as you know that you are being honest and frank. This may attract others at the lower energies of dishonesty and cheating to try to take advantage of you. But you will not become their victim because you will have the sense of inner peace that characterizes higher and faster spiritual energy. Those who attempt to cheat

you will respect and honor your position when you stay true to your spiritual values. Behave toward others from your highest self and you will eventually be free of the fear of being cheated. Ironically, when that fear disappears, the

problem of being cheated also disappears.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight. Build anyway. Do not build anything only for the purpose of having it completed. Build because

it is your way of expressing your purpose. When you eat a banana the goal is not to finish it, but to enjoy each bite while nourishing yourself. Building something is a means of expressing yourself. If someone took all the books I’ve

published and destroyed them, I would continue to write. If every tape recording of my lectures was destroyed, I would continue to speak. Everything in the material world that is built will ultimately be destroyed. Build not in fear of having it destroyed, but because you are giving expression to the

infinite spirit within.

If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. I always remind myself that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. If you seek the reactions of others as the basis of your way of being then you

have turned the source of your happiness over to those whose reactions you covet. Happiness is an inside job. You don’t get it from anyone or anything; you bring it to everyone and every event of your life. Keep your energy field free of contamination by remembering that you are the source of the cleansing. Others may be jealous, find fault with you, and say terrible things about you, but you are free to choose happiness for yourself anyway. The by-product of your response is that you gradually impact their jealous and mean-spirited

energy fields with your radiating happiness.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway. Like being happy, doing good is something that you do as an expression of your invisible spiritual essence. Stop looking for the approval and gratitude of

others as your reason to do good. Even if no one ever says thank you, do for others as your heart dictates from spirit, which is rooted in the faster energy of love, kindness, and connectedness to all. Your spirit urges you to express

heart energy. Ego, rooted in the material world, urges you to do what you do so that you will be remembered and rewarded as if life were a contest. Listen to your spirit. Remind yourself to give love and do good because that is who you

are, and for no other reasons.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. “The best,” as used above, implies your highest, most sacred self. This is the fastest vibrational energy and the source of all problem resolution. Others may attempt to contaminate your energy field by demanding more of you, or by criticizing you repeatedly, or even by ignoring your efforts. When you return to your highest self, you are independent of those opinions almost instantly, and problems of feeling unappreciated are

nonexistent. Give the world your spirit, and detach from the outcome of your efforts, and your energy field becomes less and less contaminated.

Leadership = Collaboration

2011-10-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

"Unity is strength... when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved."

Mattie Stepanek

American Poet (July 17, 1990 - June 22, 2004)

Leadership = collaboration. That may sound like an oxymoron, but the truth is great leaders understand the power of unity. A leader may have the vision, but it is the team that sees the dream to completion. In order to do this, the leader needs to put aside his/her ego and let the ideas fly. As Mattie eloquently states, "wonderful things can be achieved."

Here are some points to consider:

1. Communicate your vision and expectations effectively and clearly to your team members. Make sure everyone is on the same page before embarking on the task at hand.

2. Encourage others to communicate and express their ideas freely by providing an open and safe environment to do so. This will encourage creativity without the fear of being criticized.

3. Sharpen you listening skills. The most effective leaders are willing to hear a different point of view.

4. Be willing to compromise. When working with a team it is impossible for everyone to get their way. That's why is important for you, the leader, to set the example.

5. Always focus on the goal or well being of the project. This will help diffuse egos and keep your team focused on the task at hand.

6. Identify Challenges head on. Whether that be a personality conflict or an obstacle that needs to be overcome, avoidance of the issue will only morph into a larger problem in the future. Lay it all out on the table and ask the group or persons involved in the conflict for ideas or solutions to overcoming the problem. Then ask them to map out a strategy collectively for success.

7. Heap praise on your team for success. However, be prepared to take the criticism when something goes wrong.

There is something very rewarding about working together towards a common goal. I think that is why so many people relate to athletic teams. Collaboration sparks creativity because it builds upon each other's strengths. Together - anything is possible!

2011-10-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with

the gift of your attention.”

Jim Rohn

Leadership Notes - Part 4

31. Being open and attentive is more effective than being judgmental. This is because people naturally tend to be good and truthful when they are being received in a good and truthful manner.

32. The leader cannot be seduced by offers or threats. Money, love, or fame-whatever gained or lost-do not sway the leader from center.

33. The fewer rules the better. Rules reduce freedom and responsibility. Enforcement of rules is coercive and manipulative, which diminishes spontaneity and absorbs group energy.

34. The more coercive you are, the more resistant the group will become. Your manipulations will only breed evasions. Every law creates an outlaw.

35. Good leadership consists of motivating people to their highest levels by offering them opportunities not obligations.

36. Knowing that you do not know everything is far wiser than thinking you know a lot when you really don’t.

37. The wise leader models spiritual behavior and lives in harmony with spiritual values.

38. The wise leader knows that yielding overcome resistances, and gentleness melts rigid defenses.

39. A leader must endure a great deal of abuse. If the leader were not like water, the leader would break. The ability to be soft makes the leader a leader. This is another paradox; what is soft is strong.

Interfere as little as possible.

40. Interference, however brilliant, creates a dependence on the leader.

Servant Leadership

2011-09-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

"Leadership comes in small acts as well as bold strokes"

Carly Fiorina

Not only do leaders need to have vision and courage, but one characteristic often overlooked is the ability to serve others. One of Coach John Wooden's favorite books is entitled The Servant by James Hunter. It is the story of John Daily, a businessman whose outwardly successful life is spiraling out of control. He is failing miserably in each of his leadership roles as boss, husband, father and coach. To get his life back on track, he reluctantly attends a weeklong leadership retreat at a remote Benedictine monastery. To his surprise, the monk leading the seminar is a former business executive and Wall Street legend. Taking John under his wing, the monk guides him to the realization that is simple and yet profound: the true foundation of leadership is not power, but authority which is built on relationships, love, service, sacrifice and truly caring for those around you.

Think about the people in your life that have had profound influence on your life and career. Chances are they are people that have loved you and have truly cared about you as person first. Their main objective is to find ways to help you succeed.

The formula is simple, once they succeed everything falls into place around you. The art of leadership is not to get your employees to think more of you, but rather to get them to think more of themselves.

Leadership - Part 3

21. Leaders should always aim high, going after things that will make a difference rather than seeking the safe path of mediocrity.

22. The leader teaches by example rather than by lecturing others on how they ought to be.

23. By being selfless, the leader enhances self.

24. When leaders become superstars, the teacher outshines the teaching.

25. The leader does not take all the credit for what happens and has no need for fame. A moderate ego demonstrates wisdom

26. If you measure success in terms of praise and criticism your anxiety will be endless.

27. To become more profound, give up your selfishness. Let go of your efforts to be perfect or rich or secure or admired. Such efforts only limit you.

28. When I give up trying to impress the group, I become very impressive. The less I make myself, the more I am.

29. The flashy leader lacks stability. Trying to rush matters gets you nowhere. Trying to appear brilliant is not enlightened. Insecure leaders try to promote themselves. Impotent leaders capitalize on their position. Too much force will backfire. Constant interventions and instigations will not make a good group. They will spoil a group. Force will cost you the support of the members.

Thoughts on Leadership - Part 2

2011-09-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

“All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major anxiety of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership.”

John Kenneth Galbraith

11. We must never build pyramids in our own honor. We must not fall victim to pompous, self-serving practices.

12. Beware of the treacherous person who pledges loyalty in public then spreads discontent in private. Make every effort to identify and remove them. Leaders are often betrayed by those they trust most.

13. Do not delegate an assignment and then attempt to manage it yourself-you will make an enemy of the overruled subordinates.

14. Worthy leaders accept full responsibility for all assignments-even those they have delegated to their subordinates.

15. A wise leader expands his influence and ability to serve the company only through the art of delegation.

16. Know that your most worthy efforts will be scorned by your peers, for it is they who suffer most when you excel.

17. Regardless of the conditions under which a former leader departs, the new leader should neither encourage nor tolerate disrespectful talk of him. Speaking ill will not change past events or serve to further understanding. It will most certainly tarnish the stature of a new leader.

18. As a leader who achieves greater success, the jealousy others feel for him intensifies.

19. Good workers normally achieve what their leaders expect from them.

20. Leaders should remember that hospitality, warmth, and courtesy will captivate even the most oppressive foe.

Thoughts on Leadership- Part 1

2011-09-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have read many books on Leadership. Over the next few days, I will post some notes I have compiled from these readings. John F. Kennedy once said, "Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other." Simply, when you stop learning, you stop growing.

1. No leader is exempt from criticism, and his humility will nowhere be seen more clearly than in the manner in which he accepts and reacts to it.

2. Anyone who steps into the arena of leadership must be prepared to pay a price. True leadership exacts a heavy toll on the whole person and the more effective the leadership, the higher the price! The leader must soon face the fact that he will be the target of critical darts. Unpleasant though it may sound, you haven’t really led until you have become familiar with the stinging barbs of the critic. Good leaders must have the thick skin.

3. Every leader must develop the ability to measure the value or worth of criticism. He has to determine the source and the motive, and he has to listen with discernment. Sometimes the best course of action is to respond to criticism and learn from it. Other times, he must be completely ignored.

4. It is impossible to lead anyone without facing opposition.

5. It is essential to face opposition in prayer.

6. Few people can live in the lap of luxury and maintain their spiritual, emotional, and moral equilibrium. Sudden elevation often disturbs balance, which leads to pride and a sense of self-sufficiency and then, a fall. It’s ironic, but more of us can hang tough through a demotion than through a promotion.

7. The man who is impatient with weakness will be defective in his leadership. The evidence of our strength lies not in streaking ahead but in a willingness to adapt our stride to the slower pace of our weaker brethren, while not forfeiting our lead. If we run too far ahead, we lose our power to influence.

8. No matter how strong a leader you are, you will experience times when the cutting remarks really hurt.

9. You must be determined to apply massive common sense in solving complex problems.

10. You must be willing to accept the simple fact that you have flaws and will need to work every day to become a better leader than you were yesterday.

CHANGE IS GOOD...YOU GO FIRST

2011-08-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

By Mac Anderson

Something magical happens when we accept personal responsibility for our behavior and our results. But, it's not easy, because it's human nature to "pass the buck". I (Mac) know there have been times in my life when my business was struggling where I found myself blaming others, blaming the economy, blaming this, blaming that! But as I've gotten older (and a little wiser) when things go wrong in my business, or my life, I can always find the culprit...in the mirror. In every instance, it always comes back to choices I've made in my life that put me exactly where I am today. I have to say, that this one "tweak" in my attitude may sound like a little thing, but it has made a big difference in my life.

What does all this have to do with change? Plenty! As a manager, one of the most important things you can do in times of change is to get your people to understand how taking personal responsibility and recognizing problems as opportunities, will not only help the company, but will help them as individuals. In other words, sell the idea of...what's in it for them?

Authors B.J. Gallagher and Steve Ventura wrote a great little book about achieving success through personal accountability titled: Who Are "They" Anyway? I like their list showing how each individual in the company can benefit by adopting a "personal accountability attitude."

• You have more control over your destiny
• You become an active contributor rather than a passive observer
• Others look to you for leadership
• You gain the reputation as a problem solver
• You enhance your career opportunities
• You enjoy the satisfaction that comes from getting things done...the power of positive doing
• You experience less anger, frustration and helplessness - all leading to better physical health
• You realize a positive spillover effect into your personal life at home

Ten Ways to Not Waste Your Life

2011-07-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

I received this from my son in law via a tweet from Tony Dungy.

Posted By: Mark Merrill

10 Ways to Not Waste Your Life

Part of being a responsible adult means not wasting things, especially your life. Here are 10 ways to not waste your life. Hope you are challenged by this list!

1. Believe

Belief is the most powerful, positive life-changer in the arsenal. Believe that you are a valued person with something to contribute, and chances are you will.

2. Know where you’re headed

Dr. Seuss said, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” Setting and achieving goals is necessary for purposeful change. Both short term, “I’m going to spend the evening with my child so he goes to sleep feeling loved.” and long-term, “By Christmas I’ll be able to tell my AA group and my family I’ve been sober for six-months.”

3. Identify a better reference point for success

Know that our standard for a successful life is found in serving others, being a great parent, loving our spouse. These standards are more conducive to satisfaction and success than “Beautiful, because I’m worth it”, or “He who dies with the most toys wins.”

4. Value relationships above all else

Value relationships above results. Value serving others above being served. Value investing in people above investing in things.

5. Remember where your joy and value comes from

A dependence on anything external for happiness is unnecessary: If we “need” others to make us happy, or if we need achievements to feel worthy, we undermine our reason for being. The simple fact that we are loved and valued by the Creator is sufficient. Your joy comes from knowing who you are and whose you are.

6. Live in the moment

“I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something when _________ happens.” “Just let me get that new ________, and I’ll be good.” This kind of thinking ensures we’ll remain dependent on “more” for satisfaction. Live in the moment. Be grateful for what we have right now. Be content in our present circumstances.

7. Defer short-term thrills in favor of long-term rewards

We often sacrifice long-term joy, satisfaction and contentment for short-term thrills and personal pleasure. Things like sex outside of marriage, pornography, and gambling will never satisfy. What will satisfy is sex in a marital relationship, lasting and loving relationships, living a life of purpose, and hard work.

8. Always continue learning

Life-long learners adopt the ongoing posture of reinvention and redemption. Learners ask questions rather than act as if they know all the answers. It’s difficult to waste your life when you are humble and open to new ideas.

9. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Knowing what we value puts everything else into perspective. If we know what really matters in life, then we’re not as likely to get caught up in, or bothered by, things that don’t have a long-term or eternal impact.

10. Never do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing in the presence of your Maker

If in doubt about this, talk it over with God first.

Resiliency

2011-06-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

Aron Ralston's Survivor Traits

First Appeared May 9, 2003, Page One, The Oregonian*

Survivors of tragedy who emerge stronger share a number of traits:

Aron Ralston is the 27 year-old, Colorado rock climber receiving national attention for the courage he showed when he saved his life by amputating his right arm to escape from under a bolder that fell on him. The front page story about Aron Ralston in The Oregonian, May 9, 2003, was accompanied by this interview with Dr. Al Siebert about traits of survivors:

Reason

Survivors focus on problem-solving their situation. They control their emotions. They set aside panic and think logically during a crisis, especially about the true nature of the crisis and realistic options for solving it.

Focus

Survivors are 100 percent present in the moment. Thinking too much about past experiences or future possibilities distracts from survival. Survivors can say, "I have to do this or I will die."

Humor

Survivors are usually more amused than angry about their predicament. Aron says: "I tried to chip away at the rock using a multitool knife. You know, the kind you get with a $15 flashlight and it's free, which is probably how I got it."

Integration

Survivors must be emotionally healthy enough to integrate their tragedy and its consequences into being one part their larger life story. People who focus solely on a past tragedy and make it the central part of their identity are still being governed by the crisis.

Positivity

After a tragedy you will never be the same again. Making lemonade from lemons is crucial after a crisis. The key challenge is, how can you make something positive of this? How can you come out of this a better person?

Desiderata

2011-06-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

Desiderata

- written by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

THE TRUE MEASURE OF A MAN

2011-06-20T17:43:00.000-07:00

I read hundreds of books each year. I like to underline thought provoking or memorable passages. When I have read a book that I really enjoyed or find informative, I will have my assistant type up a summary of the book of my highlights. Hope you enjoy this one.

The True Measure Of A Man
By: Richard E. Simmons III

Here is what I hear from men all the time: They struggle with feelings of 1)
insecurity, 2) inadequacy, 3) isolation, 4) loneliness, and 5) fear washed in
anxiety. Why? They have the wrong set of dreams—all wrong—and they don’t know
who they are.

It is heartbreaking to see men waste their entire lives trying to convince other
people that they are someone they are not. This is why men’s souls do not grow
mighty in spirit and courage. They spend their existence covering up and living
in fear they will one day be discovered as a fraud. There is a voice inside
them that keeps telling them that in spite of all the ornaments they collect in
life, they are still not OK. The results are a lifelong tension with guilt,
shame, and anxiety. Jerry Leachman, Chaplain of the Washington Redskins
(1995-2007)

Irrespective of how talented, attractive, intelligent, or wealthy you may be
life is difficult and full of struggles and pain. So many people live silently
with broken dreams and broken lives.

Of all the suicides in the United States, 80 percent are committed by men.

There is one question we men are always asking ourselves. It often seems to be
the central question that must finally be answered before we will make certain
decisions or take a definitive course of action. It is a question, I believe,
that haunts many a man’s life: What will people think about me?

Men so often define themselves by what they do, who they know, or what they
own. And when they do so, they unwittingly set themselves up for a great
confusion and failure in their personal lives, particularly when a major
economic storm arises.

When we equate our worth as human beings with our individual performances, we
put our identities at grave risk. Any type of perceived failure from the
perspective of an ego built on such a shaky foundation can easily lead us to
conclude that our lives are not worth very much.

Many men are no longer concerned with lives of excellence. Instead, no matter
how much a man accomplishes, he does not believe he is successful unless others
know about it. We now regard success as achievement plus proper recognition of
our achievement. The recognition is what makes us feel worthwhile and that we
measure up as men. Christopher Lasch, author of The Culture of Narcissism, has
perhaps said it best: [Men] would rather be envied for their material success
than respected for their character.

Many a man’s first question when making decisions is usually, How does it affect
me in the eyes of others? Their second question. What will they think of me
and will I win their approval?

Always looking to impress, egos easily become swollen with attention and the
need to be noticef.

When all is said and done, we must accept that we have a radically unstable,
temporal foundation on which we have anchored our identity and that something is
fundamentally wrong with this approach to life.

What would happen if we let the person who determines our worth be God?

Recognizing that God is the supreme and ultimate reality who stands behind all
of life is crucial for all of us.

A person gets his identity in life based on how the most important person in his
life sees him.

What do you think would happen to a person’s life if Jesus Christ were the most
important person in that person’s life? What if Jesus Christ was the audience
we sought to please most? It would truly transform our lives because Jesus
understands we are each of incredible value. We are of infinite worth to Him.
He loves us with an everlasting love.

I truly believe most men are not driven to succeed; on the contrary, they are
driven not to fail.

Fear and shame are a primary cause of depression in men during times of
trouble. Too few men know how to share with others their fears, the pain in
their lives, and their struggles, particularly if it makes them look weak or
like a failure. So men naturally clam up and silently carry the load on their
backs. In the process they withdraw from others and live very lonely, isolated
lives.

This withdrawal, of course, has a significant impact on our relationships with
other men because what we really fear is how our failure will appear in the eyes
of our peers and especially those we consider our friends. This explains why we
always try to maintain the appearance that our lives are flourishing and that we
really have it together but have no lifelong deep relationships. If all I can
offer you is a superficial image of my true self, why should I expect to end up
with anything but superficial relationships that have no real depth? Fear of
failure and our inability to deal with that fear create shallow personal
relationships.

The fear of failure also causes individuals to play it safe in life. We find
ourselves avoiding reasonable risks that we should probably take. Not wanting
to look bad in the eyes of others, our judgment becomes critically impaired, and
we find ourselves not pursuing viable opportunities—even when failure is a
remote possibility.

Some of life’s most sacred truths can be learned only as we walk through our
individual storms in life. We all have them. Yet all we ever seem to want is
relief and comfort. We demand instant solutions, but what we fail to recognize
is that although God can solve all of our problems, instant solutions are not
important to Him. What is important to Him is how we respond to our struggles.

I find that so many men instinctively respond to their negative circumstances
not only with fear but also with anger and bitterness. “Why me?” they ask.
“This is not fair. I don’t deserve this!”

Caught up in the process of cursing the realities of life, we most often
discover that the pain actually continues to increase.

Often humans are presented with rare opportunities to develop and grow only
through hardship and trial.

We can be certain that there is purpose in our painful circumstances, whenever
and however they occur. And when we know and recognize that there is meaning
behind what we are experiencing, it will transform our pain and will enable us
to relinquish our fear.

The great lesson of human history is that people are always looking for
something else, anything else, to give them significance and security. For so
many men in the world of business and commerce, God is not an option.

Jesus, on two separate occasions, said, “The eye is the lamp of the body.” He
is referring to our perception of reality. He is referring to our perception of
reality. He is revealing that if your perception of reality is routed in the
truth, your life will be full of light—and you will be a healthy and dynamic
man—because you will know who you are and where you are going. You will know
what has true value in life.

What too many good men fail to realize is that this approach to life is utter
foolishness. The ball field, the bedroom, and the wallet are merely outward
experiences that fail to translate into permanent inner fulfillment and
contentment. Furthermore, as time goes by, the ball field, the bedroom, and the
wallet are never able to convince us in our innermost being that we truly
measure up as men.

Character, wisdom, and love make up the essence of what it means to be an
authentic man.

When we think of manhood and masculinity, we should recognize that character,
wisdom, and our ability to love others are at the heart of being a man.

What is Jesus saying when He refers to being rich toward God or finding the true
riches of life? What in this life has God identified as having such true
value? In one sense, I think we have already identified them.

* A man’s character: A good name is more desirable than great wealth (Proverbs
22:1).

* The gaining of wisdom: More valuable than silver and gold; nothing you
desire compares with it (Proverbs 3:13-18).

* The quality of our relationships: Nothing is of greater value than our
relationships; they are truly priceless (1 John 4:7).

I believe at times we all find ourselves subject to the pull of comparison, the
yearning for admiration and fame. After all, these are the measurements of
worldly success. Arrogance and pride, however, unlike true and humble
contentment for a job well done in the service of others, lead us down a
slippery and destructive path as we try to impress others. They often cause us
to inflate and embellish our successes and accomplishments in the process.

Philosopher Blaise Pascal, in his famous work the Pensees, explains the
corrosive power of pride and how it leads men to conceal themselves from others:

It is the nature of self-esteem and of the human self to love only oneself and
to consider oneself alone. But what can a man do? He wants to be great and
finds that he is small; he wants to be happy and finds that he is unhappy; he
wants to be perfect and finds that he is riddled with imperfections; he wants to
be the object of men’s affection and esteem and sees that his faults deserve
only their dislike and contempt. The embarrassing position in which he finds
himself produces in him the most unjust and criminal passion that can possibly
be imagined; he conceives a mortal hatred of the truth which brings him down to
earth and convinces him of his faults. He would like to be able to annihilate
it, and, not being able to destroy it in himself, he destroys it in the minds of
other people. That is to say, he concentrates all his efforts on concealing his
faults both from others and from himself, and cannot stand being made to see
them or their being seen by other people.

Have you ever thought about how much different your life would be if you did not
fear and worry about what others thought of you, if you never had to impress
anyone?

If we cannot be transparent with ourselves and also cannot be transparent with
others, then who are we?

* All of us, without God’s help, live lives of illusion. We spend almost all
of our lives trying to prove to other people and ourselves that we are something
other than what we really are.

Dr. Hans Selye, who was the true pioneer in discovering the impact of emotions
on health, at the end of his life concluded from all his years of research, that
a heart of gratitude is the single most nourishing attitude for a person’s good
health and well-being.

Humility comes powerfully into our lives when God becomes the audience we
perform for. When this happens, human opinion becomes less and less important
to us.

The real problem for us is that being content in the present is difficult. Very
few of us are content with who we are, where we are, or what we have in this
life.

Of course, one of the main reasons we are so discontent with our lives is
because we are always comparing ourselves with others. We measure how well we
are doing in comparison with others. We make mistakes and we feel inferior; we
experience success and we feel superior. As we have seen, our emotions and our
confidence moves with the market and flows with the opinion of others.

Helen Keller, a woman born deaf and blind, knew and understood that the only
thing in life worse than being blind was not to have a vision for your life.

A vision for life truly changes a man and his response to the world around him;
it changes him dramatically.

Viktor Frankl, a noted Jewish psychiatrist, survived the Nazi death camps during
World War II. Frankl was puzzled by the fact that some of his fellow prisoners
wasted away and died, while others remained strong and survived. He looked at a
number of different factors but finally concluded that the single most
significant factor was their sense of a vision for their lives. Those who
survived had a strong motivating conviction that they still had something
significant to do with their lives. Frankl concluded that it was the power of
this vision that kept them going.

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!

2011-06-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Some people listen to themselves, rather than listen to what others say. These people don’t come along very often, but when they do they remind us that once you set out on a path even though critics may doubt you. It’s okay to believe there is no can’t, won’t or impossible. They remind us that it’s okay to believe.

“Impossible is Nothing” Muhammad Ali